What Has Jesus Done for Me Lately

“Prosperity.”  You’d be wise not to say that word in a room full of certain Christians.  Its been given a bad name in some Christian circles.  However, if its one thing I think all Christians will agree on in some degree or another, it is that God provides. 

I wrote in my last post how the Lord has been performing financial miracles in my family lately.  It was amazing to watch, because it followed a period of the Lord healing strife in my family, finally having my partner’s parents forgive each other.  We had been praying aggressively for this months ago, but we had not seen the manifestation yet.  To my knowledge, no one had been crying out in prayer for it at this season, but at the moment forgiveness was released, it seems the Lord unleashed that particular part of His Kingdom.

However, there was something we were doing that was probably part of it.  I was lead to teach in one of our family bible studies on the power of blessing.  Mamaw and Papaw (the names we affectionately call my partner’s parents–my ”adopted grand-parents”) took that word and ran with it.  They just began to say, “I bless you” over each other and over the rest of the family.  Papaw went to great lengths–out in public, he is publicly pronouncing the blessing of the Lord over people.  He truly is the “war horse” I once prophesied him to be.  While I delivered the word  more from an angle of healing in my lesson, the Lord has taken it into the realm of material possessions and provision.

In writing this tonight, I felt the Lord wanted me to share what Jesus had done for me lately.  Out of this, I will continue with another financial testimony.  Though in a season of blessing, I made a foolish financial decision that put me in a bind financially.  Sadly, I spent about two days worrying about it, trying to figure out how to fix it, instead of turning it over to the Lord.  Finally, Saturday morning, I thought to myself, “You know, I ought to talk to God about it” and just whispered a prayer.  Maybe two hours later, I found a twenty dollar bill on the ground.  There were lots of people around, but I didn’t know who had dropped it or how to find them.  It was also in plain sight and no one had seen it.  Putting it with cash I already had, it has helped my finances a lot.  Now, it appears everything is going to work out alright in my finances anyway, but that twenty certainly comforted my mind and I believe has been just enough with everything else to make my finances square until my next paycheck.  Praise the Lord!

My partner and I are also currently believing God for me to go to Apostle Dale’s church, Believers Covenant Fellowship, in Washington D. C. on November 4-8, 2009.   We’ve prayed in agreement according to Matthew 18:19 and are believing for favor for the time off for both his job and mine.  God is more than able to do what we ask and He has even promised to, so I am glad to be able to call upon Him for this request.  I can’t wait to go with my hubby and meet all the wonderful saints there.  The only one I know so far is my dear brother Doug, who is, by the way, hosting his own blog at: http://pastordoug.minhost.org. 

I really suggest you check out Doug’s blog if you’re just dropping by.  He delivers a short but meaty word.  Its good nutrition for your spirit and will totaly refresh you.  It is also truly the Word of God and will breath life into you.  Best of all, as I said before, it is short.  Doug has such a gift to explain complicated spiritual things in such simple terms.  Its because of his multiple giftings as pastor and teacher.  The Word of the Lord is also truly in his mouth.

In parting on this simple post, I leave you with the following thought.  Paul wrote of Jesus, “and what is the exceeding greatness of his [the Father's] power to us-ward who believe, according to the working of his mighty power, which he wrought in Christ, when he raised him from the dead, and set him at his own right hand, far above all principality, and power,  and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come,  and hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all” (Ephesians 1:19-23).  Everything is under Christ’s feet.  But who is called Christ’s body?  “The church”–YOU!  So what does that mean?  Everything is under YOUR feet!

Hallelujah!  Amen!

So What’s Been Going on with God and Me Lately?

Hmmm…. So where exactly has gay aflame been lately?  All 25 of you who have viewed my posts in the last few days may be asking this.  To be honest, gayaflame has been having an awesome time in God!  I’ve also been busy learning to be a dutiful husband by helping my hon do stuff around his yard.  In addition, I’ve been on and off leading a little charismatic bible study around the oxford area, seeing signs, miracles, and wonders, experiencing angelic visitations, and encountering the manifest presence of God.   That may sound like I’m making light of it, but in truth, God has been doing some definitely amazing things.  So whether sweating in the yard or seeing the Glory, life has actually been very good lately.

Oh, where to begin?

If you’ve read any of my previous posts before this one, you probably have figured out I’m into the manfiest power of God.  One sad, sad truth about Christianity today is that we fail often to preach the gospel with power.  Just a few scripture references are the following:

“For the Kingdom of God is not in word, but in power.” 1 Corinthians 4:20

“And my speech and my preaching was not with enticing words of man’s wisdom, but in the demonstration of the Spirit and of power; that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of  God….” 1 Corinthians 2:4

I find it interesting that the scripture specifically says the Kingdom is not in word, but many times the only way we release the gospel is through preaching.  That’s not to say that preaching is weak–Paul says God chose to save the world through it (1 Corinthians 1:21).  However, the preaching done by the Apostle Paul is far different from what is typically taught in the church today.  Paul says that he preached with the “demonstration of the Spirit and power.”  In other words, he didn’t just tell people about the power of Christ, he showed them.

We see this confirmed elsewhere in the Apostle Paul’s writings, lest anyone think I’m misinterpreting the Word here.  In Romans 15:18-19 we read: “For I will not dare to speak of any of those things which Christ hath not wrought by me, to make the Gentiles obedient, by word and deed, through mighty signs and wonders, by the power of the Spirit of God; so that from Jerusalem, and round about unto Illyricum, I have fully preached the gospel of Christ.”   To me, preaching “through mighty signs and wonders” sounds very much like “the demonstration of the Spirit and power.”

These verses are a major part of my experience with God right now.  I just can’t justify teaching about and believing in a God that never bothers showing up.  If one watches most of what comes out of Hollywood these days about God, one major theme that always plays out is whether God is even there or not.  Most of the time–at least as far as I’ve watched–the question is left open but at least one thing unexplainable happens, as if to hint towards God’s existence.  It seems even that God is pleased at men having to grope about and wonder if He’s even there.  Sadly, this is so far from the truth biblically.

What did Paul write above?  That he preached with the demonstration of the Spirit and Power “that your faith should not stand in the wisdom of men, but in the power of God.”  “Heresy!” some would cry.  But it’s in the Holy Scriptures as plain as anything else written there.  Long story short, we preach a real God.  God never intended for us as believers to “guess” if He was real or not.

At any rate, this message sort of sums up a major component of my spiritual belief system right now.  If I seem overly zealous or arrogant, I do not mean to be.  I just really yearn to see a Christian people that really express Christ, being His hands and His feet.  How can we validate to the world that we have anything real when we hardly ever have the Spirit of God come to our meetings and demonstrate who He is?  He is so real and so wonderful, so sweet, tender, and powerful.  I would rather leave this world tonight as I write this than live the rest of a long, full live with all the pleasures the world could offer away from His precious, Holy Spirit, my best friend.  Nothing is worth Him.

So what has my friend, the Holy Spirit, been doing for me lately?  A lot–teaching me, training me, comforting me, and visiting me in the mornings.  Lately he has been opening my eyes into the spiritual realm and I’ve been seeing beings there–angels and, yes, even demons.  I prefer the angels much, much more.  I’ve been moving much more in the revelatory gifts than the power gifts lately.  I’ve been having dreams aplenty, visions, trips in the Holy Spirit to heaven and other parts of the spirit realm.  This is something I’ve yearned for for so long, and it is so refreshing and curious to be happening now.

Long story short, a few months ago God told me to discontinue public outreach and return the bible study to my family–my spouse, his father and mother.  God had shown up mightily in public.  A friend and I out “treasure hunting” together (asking the Holy Spirit to lead us to people to minister to) came across a woman in Wal-Mart and prayed for her, seeing two years of chronic pain from a car wreck dissolve in seconds.  It was amazing!  But that all turned off.  I wasn’t seeing anyone healed and, to be honest, I wasn’t hearing from God much.  It was time for me to learn obedience.

There have been things in the past I have ignored God on–not intentionally, mind you.  The Lord, however, took this opportunity to remind me of one.  I had ignored his instruction to bring back home this bible study that was experiencing such blessing in the wealth of supernatural outpouring–finding people most times “treasure hunting,” giving prophetic words that were accurate over strangers, and seeing people I didn’t even know until a moment before healed.  I had even “seen” in a vision that the anointing being poured out was specifically for me family, not those tasting of it.  However, I was so thrilled just to see God coming…. Then, judgment.

No one died, but God did deactivate the gift I held most precious–the healing anointing over arhtritis and physical pain.  At one point, I saw a 100% healing rate in prayer for the first time in my life.  It seemed anyone with physical pain I prayed for would receive a noticeable difference in that pain level after prayer, and if I continued on praying, it would disappear completely.  I loved it–people were touched, I felt close to and blessed by God.   Then it all stopped and Jesus began His work.  During this time, the Lord began to deal with my heart.  I had put so much emphasis on healing that I ignored the prophetic gifts–seeing and hearing from the Lord both in revelation and in things to come.  That was one of the first things the Lord dealt with.

 In honesty, this post is already–again–way longer than I wanted it.  I will be adding updates as time goes along.  Continuing on with my story quickly, however, let me just say that I got that area right with God.  I then, after several weeks of nudging by the Holy Spirit, began teaching a bible study with the family.  The first area the Lord hit was strife and relationships among our members.  Then the Lord took us into blessing and cursing, and speaking words of prosperity, health, and healing over each other.  All this time, manifestation were beginning to take place in small ways when this week God showed up majorly….

In a matter of 10 days, we as a family have experienced 7 miracles of financial supply.  Long story short, my spouse’s brother’s house sold (finally), my spouse’s son got a job we’ve been believing for, his father and mother experienced two instances of unexpected income, we got a large, unexpected check in the mail, my spouse got 27 hours back overtime from work he’d been trying to get for months to no avail, and I–last of all–logged on to check a credit card only to be told no payment was due this month.  This all happened in a very short period after we, as a family, obeyed a word from the Lord wholeheartedly and just began blessing each other.  In all honesty, I’m amazed.  God didn’t tell me this was coming–at least not directly–and I wasn’t actively believing and “claiming” for this happen.  We just obeyed and look what He poured out!  He truly is awesome.

At any rate, peace to all who read this in Christ Jesus, Our Lord.

Knowing God, Being Gay

Well, it’s been a while since I’ve written on here.  Life has not exactly been dull around here.  My partner has his second grandchild on the way and we’re resuming bible study this week at my house.  If you have read some of the earlier works on this site, it does not give you a good picture of where I’m at spiritually now.  I would not even be able to give you a full update now.  I can just say this, “JESUS IS LORD!” and “HE IS GOOD!”

The Lord has really quickened me to get back to writing this thing. (I mean, how many gay, Spirit-filled Christians are blogging?  For that matter, how many of us even exist?) Even now, I should be writing a bible study out on faith for tomorrow night.  I may get into some of that.  Faith is important, because without it you cannot please God (Heb. 11:6).  However, I’m not sure that faith is particularly what God wanted me to write about.  Tonight, the Lord has given me a challenge: “What would you say?”  This has lead me to ponder, given the powerful voice the internet provides, what would I say to any reader, gay, straight, or Christian that reads this?  If I had something of value to say, what would it be?

Firstly, to the gay person in particular I would say, “Don’t listen to the lie that you can’t know God and be gay.”  I mean, its just not true.  God has been doing some amazing things around here lately.  In one of our prayer meetings we held recently (about three weeks ago), we prayed for a man by stand in.  That means my father-in-law stood in for him as if he was this man and we layed our hands on him.  I don’t even remember being told where the cancer was, but I do remember seeing this thing–possibly a spirit–leave this man’s body.  We just got the report this week–this man, who was terminal, has been completely healed by Jesus.  PRAISE THE LORD!  I mean, if God has such a problem with me and my partner, why does he do stuff like that through us?  Why does he even show up?

I would also like to tell anyone who comes by, “Jesus is real.  He will change your life forever if you’ll just let Him.”  The above case is a good example.  The young man who was healed of cancer had actually asked the lady who first told me and my family about him, “Why does God want me to die?  What have I done that is so horrible?”  You see, that was a lie, because the scripture says that it is God’s will that none perish.  Also, the scripture plainly says Jesus paid for diseases as well as our sins.  How COULD it be God’s will that he die, especially one so young with so few plans fulfilled?  No, Jesus has given this young person a new lease on life.

Its interesting to me that people will believe in a Jesus who forgives sins, but they stand in doubt of his willingness to heal the body.  The most profound thing is we then wonder why members of the occult and servants of darkness stand mocking as we talk about this AMAZING Jesus, who as far as they can tell has not shown up in 2,000 years.  Understand me, I am in now way demeaning Jesus, but only our failure to pray until heaven invades earth and men are enraptured at the glance of the true lover of their souls–Jesus, the Son of God.

I tell you the truth, if Jesus is unwilling or unable to heal the body, I stand in doubt of his willingness or ability to forgive sins.  If you study Jesus’ ministry, you find that healing and forgiveness were paralleled.  For instance, lets take the story of the paralytic in Mark 2: 1-12.  Jesus actually says, “But that ye may know that the Son of Man has authority on the earth to forgive sins…” and then tells the man to get up and walk, which he does.  Why did Jesus heal him?  SO THAT THEY WOULD KNOW HE HAD THE RIGHT TO FORGIVE SINS.  Jesus has never changed (Heb. 13:8).

This particularly may apply in this young man’s case.  While I have not had the opportunity to talk with him, from what I know about his background, it seems to me he may not know the Lord.  However, how many of you reading this thing he won’t be WAY more receptive to Jesus now that He has healed his body?  No, this is an example of why we NEED miracles in the body of Christ today.  How will the occultists believe us when we say that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life and that He really is risen from the dead, if they never see any sign that His power is real or His power is greater?  How can we truly defend ourselves against the wisdom of this age, the opinions of the unredeemed but well-educated, or the arrogance of unconverted governments?  To all those who might think the spiritual gifts are useless or unnecessary today: you might want to think again.  I am not trying to be arrogant or stir strife, but make a valid point.

It occurs to me that in the Book of Acts, massive events of evangelism followed displays of God’s raw power coupled with the uncompromised preaching of His Word.  For instance, on the day the church was born, 3,000 people were brought into the body of Christ because a group of people had an encounter with the Holy Spirit and began acting quite strangely for people in theirs or anyone’s day–speaking in tongues, probably drunk in the Spirit, followed by Peter preaching and giving an invitation to them (Acts 2).  Following that, in Acts 3-4, Peter and John heal a man at the temple and preach to the multitude.  Out of this demonstartion of power, about 5,000 people are saved (Heb. 4: 4).  Going on, great joy fills an entire city as Jesus is preached by Phillip the deacon and people are delivered from the power of demonic spirits (Acts 8:7).  Also, in Ephesus, the power of God and Lordship of Jesus was demonstrated with such effectiveness that people who practiced magic brought together their occult materials and burned them, the price being about 50,000 pieces of silver (Acts 19:11-20).  That is definitely a good day.

Returning to the young man who I mentioned was healing earlier, after I got off the phone with the woman who gave me the report, his friend, I heard the Lord say to me, “That is the power of the gospel.”  What I have mentioned and what I have sighted from Acts as well as Jesus’ life, all point to the reality of the life Jesus modeled and the Kingdom he preached.  How often have we relegated Jesus’ teachings to mere morality and made irrelevant the gospel through being politically correct?  God is not politically correct.  He thinks He is the Most High and no one else is.  And since God thinks that, that is how it is.

I realize there may be some reading this who are not Christians or who are far from God.  Perhaps you are dealing with yourself being gay and you have issues with God because of it.  Well, I am as a gay as they come and I have written this and experienced personally the Creator of the Universe manifesting in my life.  Regardless of where you are, even if you are a Christian who has perhaps forgotten it, I would like to tell you after writing all of this, Jesus can change your life.  He will, if you invite him too. If you have never been born again, also calld “saved,” it is time.  Let’s go to the Word.

To be saved, you must first recognize your need for God.  Do you need him?  If you are far away from God, are you willing to admit that to yourself and Him.  You cannot walk with someone you are not in agreement with (Amos 3:3).  Part of coming to God is coming into agreement with him, and the first part of that is recognizing when you are out of His will.

Secondly, the scripture declares that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life and no one comes to God except by Him (John 14:6).  Jesus promises, though, that whosoever believes on Him will be saved (John 3:16).  So, what you should do is place your trust in Jesus and give him your life.  Do that now.  Turn your life over to Him and make him Lord, because if you believe He is raised from the dead and confess Him as your Lord, the scripture promises you salvation (Romans 10:9).

Finally, join a church that believes in the Power of God, teaches the Bible, and be baptized.

If you are in need of healing, read the the scriptures I mentioned along with Isaiah 53:4-5, Matthew 8:17, 1 Peter 2:24, John 14:13-14, John 15:7, John 16:23-24,26, and virtually anywhere in the gospels.  Just begin to pray and believe that God has heard you.  Stay in that state until it manifests.

To anyone reading this, God bless you, and may you prosper in Christ.

Spirit and Fire

 It is IMPOSSIBLE to talk about my walk with Christ following conversion without talking about my experience coming out. My life after coming out has been nothing but a testimony to the grace of God. I don’t refer to grace in the sense that God has granted me a license to live in sin and do whatever I want. But that God came back for me as I wandered down an ever darkening and wayward path and brought me back to himself just in the nick of time.

At seventeen, I can honestly say God needed to show up in my life if ever He did. I was very, very far from him, though I still prayed every night—most nights spend begging forgiveness from the actions of the previous day, mostly from my experimentation with eastern meditation and Wicca. I was not only gay, but whoring. My ex-boyfriend and I weren’t even together but we were sex buddies and kept each others needs met without commitment. He even “shared” his boyfriend with me (and that is a polite way to put it) at one point when I was around sixteen. I did not do drugs, I might add, but thats of little consequence. I was also suicidal at times because I felt unloved as I could not find Mr. Right despite the fact I looked better than I ever had in my life. I was around six foot, 180 pounds, and had a developing six pack. I was on the verge of being ripped because I literally worked out 2-3 hours a day by running and training in the martial arts. I was aspiring to be a writer one day (preferably one rich and famous). Despite all I had going for me—health, age, sex appeal—my life was getting emptier and emptier as I drifted farther and farther from God.

I was extremely hungry spiritually. I still attended church at First Baptist Batesville during this time. Coming out had made me a celebrity with some of the kids at school and some of those at church, but it had also distanced me from people and caused a severe rift with my parents. In truth I just wanted friends and people who would honestly love and accept me for who I was. My mother had also been diagnosed with cancer for the second time in her life, but our relationship was being torn to shreds by my open rebellion to all that they had taught me to be. Yep, I was a young, queer, pretty, and suicidal gay youth from a conservative religious background. I was therefore a statistic.

I flirted with the idea of an alternative religion during this time. After all, God didn’t like me and there seemed to be nothing real about the God I served. The memory of the peace I experienced when I had accepted Christ had long faded, and since God didn’t like me gay, why should I even worship him, right? I mean, who wants to worship a God that has you on His divine hit list right next to Hitler, Ghengis Khan, and Jeffrey Damner? I felt powerless and was playing sword and sorcery type video games daily for hours at a time. I wanted a religion that would afford me the type of power I saw my Mage on Ultimate Online wielding: flame striking and energy bolting anything that got in his way.

But I didn’t even find that in Wicca. The main thing that turned me off to it was how laughable the witchcraft books I looked at were. I wanted to shoot tangible fireballs out of my hands and make candle wicks spontaneously ignite, not do rote rituals that seemed to have about as much life as the religion I had already experienced. I was in a dangerous place. It would have been so easy for Satan to step in and deceive me into some false religion based off the promise of supernatural power at this time regardless of who the source was. But God was full of grace towards me.

I had met a gay couple online that befriended me. A friendship quickly developed that was to be extremely short-lived. I will call them M. & E.–the initials of their first names. They had not been together long and E. loved to talk religion and even knew something about psychics and Wicca. By my own standards now, I was going down a very bad path far, far away from Christ. However, it was this friendship that was responsible for me ultimately returning to Christ. God had my number.

M. & E. took me to a party with a group of older gay men. There was about 12 or so of us there. I was coming into full bloom as a gay man at that time and I looked the best I ever have. Needless to say, a seventeen year old, young, hot gay boy gets a lot of attention when thrown into a room with a bunch of middle-aged to older, out of shape guys (please, no one who was there and reads this hunt me down and kill me). Its like being a bleeding Cod tossed into a shark tank.–No, seriously, everyone there was extremely respectful of me and I made some great friends. I would soon disassociate from M. &. E. as my friendship with a new couple took off. I will call them R & L.

As I said, God had my number during this time. This couple was not only gay, but Christian gays. They, unlike so many others I knew, hadn’t abandoned faith in Christ simply for being who they were. Going to a movie with them one night, with them not knowing everything I was experimenting with spiritually, one of them made the comment about how witchcraft was wrong. That alone brought me to conviction over my faith. It did not take me long to repent of my Wicced ways (ok, yes, bad pun) and return to my devotion to Christ.

But, it was still a VERY long journey ahead.

Through all my religious wandering, the devil had a lot of time to build strongholds in my mind, some of them forming probably before I even came out. Looking back, I was full of condemnation, fear, self-hatred, and torment after I returned to God. I would pray for hours a day. I repeatedly had blasphemous thoughts towards God and each time I thought I had committed the unpardonable sin. If it had not been for L. during this time, I probably would not have made it. He is so skillful at counseling and so gentle-hearted. He could talk me out of the devil’s lies every time and the two of us would spend HOURS talking about religion. And unlike my conversations with E., these were drawing me back to the Lord.

I am seriously summarizing about a year of my life here. My return to Christ was quick but I then went through a long period of sanctification. L. was telling me about something called the Baptism of the Holy Ghost and I was just wanting a relationship with God. I will honestly say that happiness returned to me through my relationship with them and my heart began to cry out for God.

Ok, fast-forward to Spring of my Freshman year at college, 19 years of age.

L. had been talking to me about the Power of the Holy Spirit for around a year. I was hungry. With witchcraft gone and my walk with God back, I was still hungry for a real encounter with God. The way he described the Spirit falling on people mysteriously and causing them to speak in a different tongue, how God would heal the sick and even show people things supernaturally, was more than enough to fill my criteria for a “real” God. I WANTED THAT.

It took me a while to convince him (he had been out of church for years himself), but we finally drove down to a U. P. C church FAR out of our area. It was one he had attended revivals at when a young man—but it was not his home church. I was stoked and ready for it, though I did not know what to expect. It was only my second time ever in a Spirit-filled church. The service was rather low-key compared to services I would go on to experience, but I remember one skinny, middle-aged black lady invading the aisles and dancing, a strange glow in her eyes. That look in her eyes alone told me there was something to this.

The service moved on to the message. The pastor gave a good sermon and then an invitation was given. I went down front to pray. L. kept his seat at this time. I knelt and began to pray, calling on God by all the different names I knew the bible described Him as, particularly “Jehovah.”

I knew absolutely nothing about what I was doing.

Finally one of the men who overheard me stopped me from praying and asked me what I had come for. I explained to him that I wanted the Holy Ghost. He told me his experience, how he had sought for years and one day as he lay on his grandmothers couch he had just begun gently speaking in tongues. He also told me it was Jesus I should call on to receive the Holy Spirit, not Old Testament Jehovah. I left without really receiving anything that I could tell, but I remained undaunted.

I was driving home since we were in my car. However, I was so hungry and my faith so high that God would give me the Holy Ghost (somehow the idea that being gay might hinder that just did not come into my mind) that I pulled over and got L. to drive. We had been listening to Phillips, Craig, and Dean, a gospel group, singing and one or two of the songs had moved me. I thought that might be good for receiving the Spirit so I backed the CD up to those.

I prayed for a while with nothing. But then, I suddenly got the impression, ‘God is here.’ How, I can’t describe it. Then the idea came, “What if I just opened my mouth in faith?” Unsure of what would happen next, I did so. It was me who opened my mouth, but what happened next was not just me. I literally started shouting at the top of my lungs in a language I had never heard! I felt this wind come rushing into my chest! It felt as if I expanded infinitely and the entire universe was inside me. I felt huge as I shouted victoriously in the Holy Spirit. Then, suddenly, I was silent.

I was shivering slightly from the power of the experience and even questioned immediately, “Was that it?” But I knew there was no way my mind had manufactured that—it was too real. “Lord, let your light, light of your face, shine one us,” played in the background and as I looked over. L. was crying in the seat next to me. I’m not sure if it was joy, the presence of the Spirit he felt, or the fact that an openly gay friend of his had just received the Holy Ghost without going straight first, but it seemed so beautiful with everything that had just happened in that moment.

As we arrived home that night, I came home with something that has become so precious to me, something that totally has transformed, overhauled, and revolutionized my life. I arrived home with the knowledge of the reality of God, Jesus, and the blessed Holy Spirit. God had just gone from theory to reality, from an enigma to a powerful being I had encountered face to face. The experience was so fleeting, though, but it nonetheless revolutionized my life. I cannot say the one event in itself changed everything, but I could hunger for absolutely NOTHING but Him from then on. And so I have pursued God for these five years as of the time of this writing. For that reason, my life has never been the same.

A Prayer:

Father, in the Name of Jesus, Your Son and Our Lord, unveil your awesome truth to the gay community and lead their hearts into a true, meaningful, and deep encounter with You. Show them your piercing light and invigorating love that is real and is no theory. Touch our people for You, in Jesus’ Name. Amen.

Conversion

To talk about “my conversion” to Christ is not a simple subject. I now believe I was converted to him when I was eight years old. At eight I had been hearing my pastor preach on salvation regularly in the First Baptist Church of Batesville, Mississippi. He was a true hellfire and brimstone preacher. I heard the word “saved” regularly at home as well at church and it was something that fascinated me. What did it mean to be saved?

 I finally decided to ask my dad one day. I was probably 5-6 years old at the time. My question was something along the lines of, “Dad, does saved mean that if I got attacked by a bear, God would rescue me?”

 My dad’s answer was, “no.” I don’t remember much more of the conversation, but I believe dad probably told me salvation meant salvation from eternal death—that I would go to heaven with Jesus. I definitely had understood the plan of salvation when I was eight, because I finally decided I wanted to be saved and prayed the sinner’s prayer as best I knew how. Then I got out of bed and told dad what had happened. Since, in my eight year old way of speaking, I had told him I did it ‘while asleep’, he had me go through it again just so my understanding of it would be clear.

 That was it. I was saved! Now, I was supposed to get baptized.

 That baptism is significant to me as I think back, because in my mind it seems to foreshadow the eventual clash with religion I would undergo. My father took me to an upper room on the Western side of the church where several men and younger boys were changing for baptism. While it may seem insignificant to some, I saw a middle-aged man across from me disrobe. I caught a full frontal view of his genitalia. Even at eight I had a sexual response, which somehow I instinctively felt as wrong. It was NOT the conviction of the Holy Spirit, I might add, but more a terror that I had committed something in my mind so awful (a sexual feeling towards another male), and this at the time of my baptism. I remember wondering if I was really saved.

 I went down into the water and came up in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost. I can’t say for certain how significant the baptism was in my mind. I was taught plainly baptism was merely a symbol of what had already happened within me at the time of “being saved.” Nonetheless, the fact that I h ad looked at someone—anyone–naked troubled me. Somehow, in my upbringing, I had gotten the impression that even seeing nudity was wrong.

 Of course, now that a young Southern Baptist boy is saved, what else is there for him to do? I n truth, I did get about my Father’s business quickly. Even before baptism, I had started witnessing to people. I wanted to make sure EVERYONE I knew was going to heaven and I wanted EVERYONE to know that I was saved. (I certainly did not want them to think I was lost!) That lasted for a while and in all the haste, joy, and distractions of growing up, the fire died. Then I turned 10….

 There is a question in my mind about my conversion at eight because of what happened to me at ten, but it has nothing to do with the incident of the man in the pre-baptismal room. In my tenth year, I began to feel a deep burden of guilt on my spirit that I could not shake. I could not find peace that I knew God, that I had ever really been saved. Doubt constantly circled me. The thought that at eight I might not have understood what I was doing terrified me. After all, I repeatedly saw people who had been church members for years go forward and re-accept Christ after they had thought they were saved for years. “They just want to be sure,” I’d hear the preacher say. This probably planted the initial seed of doubt in my mind, but as the torment came, I could conclude nothing other than I was lost and therefore hell-bound.

 It all came to a head when I was out of town with my mother. I believe we were visiting my sister in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. I could not sleep , being heavily tormented, and I stood up on my bed and began crying and yelling “God doesn’t love me! God doesn’t love me! God doesn’t love me!” In my mind at that age, being lost equaled being under the severe judgment, hate, and curse of God.

 As I write this and reflect, I must conclude that this was not the conviction of the Spirit either. Perhaps the burden of guilt I felt was God revealing my unconverted state to me, but the incessant torment was NOT. In my walk with God, I have found the conviction of the Spirit at times can be severe, but God is love, and He is always concerned with my good. Even when what He said to me would have been condemning from anyone else, it did not have that tone with Him. Somehow, no matter how severe what the Lord said to me was, there is always grace and life in it.

 After my mother and I made it back to Batesville, I slipped into a depression. I felt down constantly, sinful, and full of doubt, fear, and insecurity. I was constantly convinced I was going to hell. I would pray and feel as if God had not heard me. One night when it reached its peak, my parents called the preacher and took me straight out to see him. He asked me about when I was saved at eight. In the discourse I told him I had been praying, “God, if I was not saved at eight, please save me now,” with no peace.

My pastor, in his wisdom, said, “Let’s just pretend you weren’t saved at eight and pray again. Just follow me in this prayer and be sincere.” I don’t remember precisely what was prayed. All that I remember was the deep peace that fell on my Spirit as I made Jesus Lord of my life for the second time. I never forgot it.

 However, this was not my last bout with that torment. I would regularly go through times of doubting my salvation. All told, I was baptized three times in the Baptist church and I prayed the sinners prayer hundreds of time. I now believe that these events were not the work of the Holy Spirit in my life. After all, does God up and change his mind: “You know, you were saved last month, but I’m flippantly deciding you’re not saved anymore…. forget about your conversion experience”? No! I personally believe one of two things happened: 1. I was being tormented by a demonic spirit—probably a spirit of religion or doubt and unbelief or 2. I had failed to walk in a living relationship with God that kept His Presence in my life real. In truth, it was probably a combination of both. I might add, that each time then I prayed the sinners prayer, I felt a deep peace come over me, and that even in more recent times I have prayed that same prayer (at times for protection or just to clear the air between God and I) and I always feel the immense Power of God come cleansing and rejuvenating me within. My conclusion is not so much that I wasn’t born again at age 10, but that I let myself slip away from God and opened myself up to the torments of the devil. And the devil WILL torment anyone that he can get control over, especially a Christian neglecting their walk with God…. Why? Because that’s just the way the devil is.

 I cannot say I honestly know “when” I was saved. All that I know is that I am saved now. I cannot pinpoint 8, 10, 12, 13, or 14 years of age as the time of conversion or one of the hundred or so of times that I prayed the sinner’s prayer when that torment would come upon me. All I know that now I live my life by the faith of the Son of God and I can never be the same again. I love Him because of the love He has captured me with, and I am so far from the torment and condemnation that I experienced when so young, tender, and vulnerable. I know Him, and I know He knows me. I would also like to say that I do not blame the Baptist Church, my parents, or anyone else. I blame Satan for tormenting me, but I thank God for being faithful and delivering me to the reconciled man of faith I am today.

However, to get to the point I’m at now is going to be quite a journey through my life. I hope, through this testimony I am writing, that my journey in Christ might be of aid to someone else. Perhaps to you?

Please read with an open heart, and if you are not sure Jesus is Lord of your Life, make sure he is before you click off my site.

 If you’re unsure Jesus is your Lord, do this:

1. Recognize your sinner because all men have sinned.

2. Recognize he died for your sins, becoming your substitute and sacrifice upon the cross.

3. Pray this: God, I confess I was born a sinner but I see your radical grace in sending Jesus to die for me. I ask you to have mercy upon me and forgive me of my sins, I ask in the Name of Jesus. I give you my heart, turn from my sins as best I can, and confess Jesus as Lord of my life. Amen.

You are Welcome Here

The title says it all.  You are “well come” here. Gay, straight, or whatever you are, this is going to be a safe place for you to experience Christ and to grow into the destiny God has given you.  And you DO have a destiny in God, because the Scripture says, “none who believe on Him [Jesus] will be put to shame” (Romans 10:11).

Hopefully, in the coming months, there will be articles and even studies that will help people come into their purpose as gay Christians.  I am currently working on a few that deal with this awesome thing called the New Birth and the Baptism of the Spirit.  You can begin a study yourself by reading John chapter 3, Romans 10, and 2 Corinthians 5:17 just to get a taste of what I’ll be talking about with the New Birth.  For the Baptism of the Holy Ghost, just read the last book of Luke and the first Chapter of Acts.   The New Birth and the Holy Ghost are two things that will change your life and purpose for ever.

Since this will be a religious blog, I won’t begin it with the standard, “You are not here by accident–you are here on purpose!”  The reason being that I’ve been to too many churches, sites, blogs, etc. that all said that, and to be honest, I’m not sure that there even ever WAS a purpose I was there.  But I’ll tell you this, if you’ll purpose to pursue God, you will find a purpose in your life–gay, straight, or whatever you are.

To whet your appetite for what you will be reading and studying here, I will tell you that my life has been an encounter with a God of miracles.  I intend to teach on God’s miraculous, healing power today and how to experience God’s love and power in your own life.  In my walk with Him, I have experienced supernatural provision, such as when God GAVE my partner and I a home supernaturally.  I have also experienced divine healing, such as when a friend of mine was diagnosed with Hepatitus and stomach cancer, and after prayer, both were GONE.  God is a good God and He has good plans for your life!

So, if you want to know more, check back regularly.  Read the scriptures I posted above, and get ready to meet a God that will totally rock your world and utterly ruin you for anything but Him!